Draco and Severus Learn about Their Bodies
by fyren galan
Summary: I know what you're thinking, but that's not it. Drag your mind partially out of the gutter. Only partially. Draco/Harry/Severus SLASH.


Draco and Severus Learn about Their Bodies 

Draco groaned, and threw his head back, a trail of sweat creeping down his perfectly-formed alabaster throat.

"Are you all right?" Severus asked anxiously.

"Of course I'm not alright. I'm having bloody _cramps_! The baby's coming!" Draco shrieked.

oOo

Severus freaked out. What could he do? He had never helped deliver a baby in a stall of a public restroom.

Hell, he had never delivered a baby at all.

Admittedly, he had seen a few episodes of '16 and Pregnant' during his penchant for watching late-night television. But this was completely different.

For one, Draco was seventeen.

And he wasn't a girl.

Severus thought those were a few minor differences.

Severus was just upset that Harry and Draco hadn't thought to tell him that they were expecting. Had he not been completely supportive of their relationship when they came out? Sure, there were a few moments of, "Harry Potter is the son of the Devil! You're fornicating with the son of Lucifer!"

But those were over quickly. Severus thought, who wouldn't expect a few small outbursts like that?

He crouched next to Draco, and soothingly patted his hand. Draco moaned in pain, and Severus noted that his stomach was unusually flat to be having a child.

Ah, maybe it was more like one of those 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant' shows, the ones were the models they picked to replay the birth were always so much prettier and skinnier than the people who actually gave birth.

But it didn't matter at that point, as Draco practically forced him out of the stall, and dramatically yelled that he wanted to be alone.

Severus found himself wondering, when Draco is pushing the baby out, where does it go? What hole would it pop out of?

Of course, it could come out of Draco's arsehole, but that would make shitting and fucking uncomfortable for a long time.

Plus his hole would be as loose as a male prostitute's.

Not that Severus thought about things like that. Ever.

But then, he was distracted by Draco screaming, and a sound of plopping.

Sweet Merlin. Surely Draco hadn't had his baby in the john.

And then there were a few seconds of silence, and then a large flush.

Severus gaped. Draco had just flushed his bloody baby down a toilet!

What kind of parent _does _that?

Draco stepped out of the stall, looking sheepish.

"Sorry to put you through that, Sev. I'm not really pregnant. I just had a really bad spot of… constipation."

If possible, Severus' jaw dropped even lower. Draco flushed, and hurried on.

"It's just that, you know Harry and I have been looking at fan fiction online to find new kinky fantasies, and I just read so many where Harry got me pregnant in our last year of school, I just kind of… believed?"

Severus shook his head. He wouldn't have thought Draco was that incredibly stupid. But then, he thought wryly, you believed him, too. So Severus wouldn't be too hard on the boy.

He took a step towards Draco, and he shuffled backwards to the wall nervously. "In these stories that you read, did you find anything interesting about you and I?" he purred, as Draco swallowed reflexively. "I would be most interested to hear some of the… plots," Severus trailed off suggestively.

At this, Draco grinned, and said excitedly, "You should hear some of the threesome ideas these authors have! There's one where Harry, you, and I-"

As Draco babbled on like a small child about all the PWPs he had read, Severus decided it might not be a bad thing to give up paid programming and ghastly reality show at three in the morning.

It sounded like he would have _much_ better things to do in the upcoming nights.

And years, he thought happily, as he gazed upon his future.

~FIN~

A/N: So I made up the little interval in the beginning _ages_ ago, after I read a story that was really good in the beginning, but then sucked, 'cause Draco got pregnant.

So I guess this is a continuation of my Draco-and-Harry-are-equals rant.

I thought it was funny. But then, my sense of humor is sometimes lacking.


End file.
